She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
