Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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