I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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