If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
