**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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