It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
