the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
