He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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