hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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