so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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