I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
