Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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