clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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