In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
