I just made out with a guy for $7.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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