you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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