You smell like a Billy Joel song
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
