Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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