Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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