Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
