But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize