i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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