She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
