come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
