Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My penis needs a shock collar
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
