So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize