she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
