wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
