is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize