is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
