I love black thongs
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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