the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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