Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
