Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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