I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
