I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
