Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
