she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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