drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
