Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
