i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
