I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
FUCK WHALES
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