Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
