Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
