In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
