How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
