Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
