I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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