I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
