maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
