I wish I could punch you in the face.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
