somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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