Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
