I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
