we have pet lesbian snakes
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That's how pantless uber rides happen
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
