She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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