I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize