did you get engaged???
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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