And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Shame is for Republicans.
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