My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
