I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize