gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
