this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
