Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
