Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
