I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
