Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
