all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize